Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Suessical Sweets

I found this post over on Cake Wrecks today...


Math Lesson


Baby Found My Bladder

Baby uses it as a pillow during the day and a trampoline at night.

Thanks baby.

The Fine, FINE Art of Showering

At this point in the game showering is my all time least favorite thing to do. Like, if I had to choose between standing up in front of 200 strangers sans clothes to give a speech on bio-molecular atoms and showering I would choose naked presentation.

That being said; there is a very specific plan of action that I take every morning (Ok, who am I kidding - afternoon) when I get in the shower. First, the water has to be on for like 3 minutes before I get in so the steam can fill up the bathroom a little bit. Then, I get in and warm myself up and floss my teeth - very slowly, this often makes me gag.

One of the side effect of being pregnant is all this extra mucus and gunk in my head. It doesn't bother me much except for when it drains - like when it's hot and steamy in the shower... At some point between when I get in the shower and my first shampoo I normally hack up a lung (and if I'm lucky only that).

Next comes the real fun part: I let my shampoo sit while I brush my teeth. I know you're probably thinking "Hey dummy, if you get sick in the shower, and you get sick while brushing your teeth - maybe you shouldn't do them at the same time!" I would normally agree with you, but your logic is flawed...

I can't stand up straight while brushing my teeth because then all the toothpaste slides down the back of my throat and makes me gag - upping my chances in the getting sick department. BUT, I can't bend over all the way (like you would over a sink) because then I'm in 'perfect puking position' - thus again upping my chances. I can't spit out the toothpaste too frequently because then my body thinks I want to play along. So, the only logical position is to bend over just enough so that the toothpaste dribbles down my chin, splats on my growing belly and proceeds to run down the rest of my body. And don't even tell me to turn around so I'm facing the shower, I tried that one day and havoc ensued.

If I can get through the teeth brushing I'm pretty much home free - until it's time to lather up the body (of course I save this part of last due to all of the sickness opportunities). Bending down to scrub my ankles - they're not quite cankles YET - doesn't always sit well with my belly.

At that point I give up and decided I'm just going to be dirty for another day. If I put on enough deodorant and perfume no one will know.